Back when I was about two years old and was living in Sarawak with my grandma, my mother lived in KL because she found a job there. She stayed there and will often come back to Sarawak to visit me and my brother.
Sarawak is where I did my pre-school education and finished my standard 1 over there.
Back in KL, there was my adopted family. Sometimes my mother will bring me along with her to KL during my holidays and my adopted family will take care of me while my mother works.
So in my mind as I grew up, I have two mothers? The mother who took care of me while my mother works. I call her Mama because she's Chinese-oriented and she's not fluent in English while on the other hand i am not fluent in Mandarin.
I grew up spending most of my childhood time at her house during my holidays with her 4 sons : )
I'd remember always flying from Sarawak to KL just to stay over for a few days. I was always happy when I visit them cause I know I can play with the 4 brothers over there.
No doubt I had a though time communicating in Mandarin but they are able to communicate in English quite well too, but limited.
During those days, one of the koko will bring me to the playground.
As a young kid, it was the happiest moment being able to play rough and wild and to just enjoy my childhood.
Many memories, I had, with this adopted family of mine.
Yeah, that's how it started. Ever since then, I have been visiting them whenever I can. I'd always stay over for a week or so :D
When suddenly I stopped visiting them when I was form 3 or so. That period was the hardest time as my parents were going through a divorce stage. Family issues and the predicament was really burdening.
It was not a good time to visit my Mama. Besides, at that time, I kinda felt reluctant to visit her. Idk, maybe I was being selfish and too self-absorbed with my high school life. My youth.
My mother kept reminding me to visit her whenever I can but i'd always come up with excuses. Always feeling reluctant to go back and visit her.
And so I did not visit her for 4 years.
During CNY, 2011, my grandma from Sarawak flew over to spend the auspicious event with my family. At that time, I remembered about my Mama and I wanted to give her a call and just greet her on this happy day of CNY. The feeling felt really strong. I felt a lil bit nervous because I was wondering should I speak in English or my broken Mandarin hahaha.
One of the koko that is close to me picked up the phone, later he told me Mama wasn't around cause she passed away last year due to cancer.
My heart sunk. Like a knife stabbing into my heart.
I could not believe it and immediately I felt that pang of guilt. Blamed myself I should have visited her.
Could you imagine the pain?
Someone you love passes away, not even saying goodbye at all.
I literally cried so hard in my room that day. I don't give a damn if it's a taboo to cry on CNY.
I could not enjoy CNY properly on that week. All I did was cry cry cry cry and cry.
What made me cried even more harder was my mother adding salt into my wound. Nagging at me with the "you should have-s".
Mama's family wanted to contact me but they did not have their number, while I have theirs.
Now she's gone. The last time I spoke to her was 4 years ago.
Freaking 4 years ago. It's impossible to fill up that 4 years. I felt really horrible.
Whenever I think of my Mama, I cry.
How I wish someone out there will understand how I actually feel. The pang of guilt inside of me.
Then a year has passed, which is now : )
Last Sunday, I didn't want to miss the opportunity to meet Mama's family so I called their house phone.
After successfully contacting them, the 4 brothers of mine (koko) planned to pick me up and have dinner with them, yesterday.
I wondered to myself if 4 of them still look the same or maybe, you know hahaha.
To my surprised, one of them is already a father : ), another one is getting married this year and the youngest one (the koko i'm most close to) is working in Sunway. So many changes during that past 4 years.
Guess I've missed a lot eh?
I got the chance to see one of my koko's son (which means I'm an Aunt?).
So we went to DPC and had a nice long walk at the park while catching up with each other.
The brothers kept saying I don't look any different then I was a child HAHAHAH. They even teased my height and said I still did not grow that much since the last time they saw me :p
Had an awesome and great dinner at a korean restaurant with 3 of the brothers, while the other one could not make it. And my jie jie was with her family at PD.
All I can say is that yesterday was the happiest day of my life. Being able to meet up with this adopted family of mine which I spend most of my childhood time there. One day is not enough to catch up with all of them.
I promised myself from now on, no more delaying. I'm really going to visit them whenever I can.
I hope Mama is happy in Heaven, knowing I came back and visit them.
I teared when I saw her room. Her existence still portrays vividly in my mind :/
I love you Mama.
Phew, I can't wait to visit them again later this November <3
Conclusion is, if you have someone yet to visit or spend time with, do it now. Latest, by tomorrow. Catch up with them and give them your time. Who knows what might happen tomorrow.
