「Whole Again」

When I was 1 and a half years old, my birth father left me.

When I was form 1, my mum accidentally met my with father. Had a talk with him but all he said was he didn't want to be responsible for me and my brother anymore.
And I thought that was the end.

Just then, two days ago he called up and said he wants to see me and my brother. Today, I get to meet and catch up with him, bit by bit.

Dear God, what surprises are you going to show me next?

Yours sincerely,
Your humble child, Peige.

Footsteps

Traveling is one of my hobby. Although the furthest I have traveled is East Malaysia, I've always liked traveling.

Whenever my family plans for a trip, I'm always the one really hyped up and excited. I loveeee packing but I find it a hassle to unpack every time. Don't you feel that too?

Whenever I come back from a trip or something, I feel so lazy to unpack.

I've always wanted to travel overseas. To places that I find interesting

like South Korea, Japan, United kingdom, Greece and Dubai or places which have vast beautiful scenery with breathtaking picturesque. 

Traveling, exploring and just to experience the culture of that place :)

I would like to visit these places someday.

Soon, I hope : )

Ruminate

Back when I was about two years old and was living in Sarawak with my grandma, my mother lived in KL because she found a job there. She stayed there and will often come back to Sarawak to visit me and my brother.

Sarawak is where I did my pre-school education and finished my standard 1 over there.

Back in KL, there was my adopted family. Sometimes my mother will bring me along with her to KL during my holidays and my adopted family will take care of me while my mother works.

So in my mind as I grew up, I have two mothers? The mother who took care of me while my mother works. I call her Mama because she's Chinese-oriented and she's not fluent in English while on the other hand i am not fluent in Mandarin.

I grew up spending most of my childhood time at her house during my holidays with her 4 sons : )

I'd remember always flying from Sarawak to KL just to stay over for a few days. I was always happy when I visit them cause I know I can play with the 4 brothers over there.

No doubt I had a though time communicating in Mandarin but they are able to communicate in English quite well too, but limited.

During those days, one of the koko will bring me to the playground.

As a young kid, it was the happiest moment being able to play rough and wild and to just enjoy my childhood.

Many memories, I had, with this adopted family of mine.

Yeah, that's how it started. Ever since then, I have been visiting them whenever I can. I'd always stay over for a week or so :D

When suddenly I stopped visiting them when I was form 3 or so. That period was the hardest time as my parents were going through a divorce stage. Family issues and the predicament was really burdening.

It was not a good time to visit my Mama. Besides, at that time, I kinda felt reluctant to visit her. Idk, maybe I was being selfish and too self-absorbed with my high school life. My youth.

My mother kept reminding me to visit her whenever I can but i'd always come up with excuses. Always feeling reluctant to go back and visit her.

And so I did not visit her for 4 years.

During CNY, 2011, my grandma from Sarawak flew over to spend the auspicious event with my family. At that time, I remembered about my Mama and I wanted to give her a call and just greet her on this happy day of CNY. The feeling felt really strong. I felt a lil bit nervous because I was wondering should I speak in English or my broken Mandarin hahaha.

One of the koko that is close to me picked up the phone, later he told me Mama wasn't around cause she passed away last year due to cancer.

My heart sunk. Like a knife stabbing into my heart.

I could not believe it and immediately I felt that pang of guilt. Blamed myself I should have visited her.

Could you imagine the pain?

Someone you love passes away, not even saying goodbye at all.

I literally cried so hard in my room that day. I don't give a damn if it's a taboo to cry on CNY.

I could not enjoy CNY properly on that week. All I did was cry cry cry cry and cry.

What made me cried even more harder was my mother adding salt into my wound. Nagging at me with the "you should have-s".

Mama's family wanted to contact me but they did not have their number, while I have theirs.

Now she's gone. The last time I spoke to her was 4 years ago.

Freaking 4 years ago.  It's impossible to fill up that 4 years. I felt really horrible.

Whenever I think of my Mama, I cry.

How I wish someone out there will understand how I actually feel. The pang of guilt inside of me.

Then a year has passed, which is now : )

Last Sunday, I didn't want to miss the opportunity to meet Mama's family so I called their house phone.

After successfully contacting them, the 4 brothers of mine (koko) planned to pick me up and have dinner with them, yesterday.

I wondered to myself if 4 of them still look the same or maybe, you know hahaha.

To my surprised, one of them is already a father : ), another one is getting married this year and the youngest one (the koko i'm most close to) is working in Sunway. So many changes during that past 4 years.

Guess I've missed a lot eh?

I got the chance to see one of my koko's son (which means I'm an Aunt?).

So we went to DPC and had a nice long walk at the park while catching up with each other.

The brothers kept saying I don't look any different then I was a child HAHAHAH. They even teased my height and said I still did not grow that much since the last time they saw me :p

Had an awesome and great dinner at a korean restaurant with 3 of the brothers, while the other one could not make it. And my jie jie was with her family at PD.

All I can say is that yesterday was the happiest day of my life. Being able to meet up with this adopted family of mine which I spend most of my childhood time there. One day is not enough to catch up with all of them.

I promised myself from now on, no more delaying. I'm really going to visit them whenever I can.

I hope Mama is happy in Heaven, knowing I came back and visit them.

I teared when I saw her room. Her existence still portrays vividly in my mind :/

I love you Mama.

Phew, I can't wait to visit them again later this November <3
Conclusion is, if you have someone yet to visit or spend time with, do it now. Latest, by tomorrow. Catch up with them and give them your time. Who knows what might happen tomorrow.

Bacon

It doesn't matter how many friends you have, it matters only if you have many true friend. 
What is the purpose if you have lots of friends but none will actually have your back or fully support you in times of need?
I value my friends, alot. Appreciate them because they've show me what true friendship was and that there's more to friendship than meet the eyes : )


Just wanna dedicate this blog post to my awesome bestfriendforever, Li Lian.
Who is currently in UK :( she's gonna be there for two friggin months. Two months to me feels like 1 year ! ! !


Her absence definitely makes a difference. I mean we still can talk or communicate social media like twitter or skype hahha but, it's better having her around. Besides, the 8 hours difference is bothering me hahha.
Oh well, glad she's enjoying herself in UK. She needs it! After what she's been through.

I miss you buddy.
When you come back, you and I have lots to catch up and lots of things to thick of from our bucket-list! & eat some BACON!


Did I mention, she sent me an email wishing me happy birthday. She and her touching email who always makes me tear!!!
She wanted to be the first one to wish me ;'D
I kept reading her long-winded email hahhaha.
Once, twice then thrice.
Then I saved it in my special folder, making sure in the future I would not accidentally delete it.
My oh my, she's a wonderful bestfriend indeed.

Love you to bits, chingu!
xx

Shopaholic. You don't say?

It was a fruitful shopping day last weekend. Most of the stuff I bought were mainly on sale/discount. Well, worth the spent ; )

Rainbow converse from Esarlis

Bought these dresses from Pinkevils' market :D They were on sale!

When I was in the cab, this awesome freaky spider freaked me out totally. I thought the spider was inside the cab but it was crawling outside of the cab window! 

Mesmerized by it's long legs, I managed to took a photo of it.

Shaun and I fidgeting around while waiting for mum to do her grocery shopping.

Bought these crown earrings as well : ) It was a 70% sale on Bonita. WORTH THE BUYYY!

I love the color of this hairband. Sort of turquoise mixing with crystal blue, also from Bonita.

LMAAAOOOO, guess what a friend of mine bought over from UK? ; ) It's a chocolate btw!

God never ends on a negative. NEVER.

Annyeong :)

It's been months since my last post hehhe. These past few months have been a roller coster ride for me. I had to struggle through my third semester of my Foundation in ADP and oh boy, it's difficult. It was the semester that kept me moving on my toes, leaving me no rest at all. There were many activities going on these past few months :D Exciting ones of course!


First, me and my awesome dancing friend, AJ , we had the opportunity to perform for Women's Day somewhere in March :D
We performed to T-Ara's Roly Poly and to f(x)'s Gangsta Boy.


There were crowds scattered everywhere but I kinda expected more audience to be there since we performed on Ground Floor where everyone was gathered there for games and what not. I dislike the speakers that we used on that day, we could not hear the music and the Emcee properly. The sounds was all muffled up :/

 I don't fancy wearing those bunny hairbands but I had to when I perform Roly Poly :D

 There were FREE cupcakes! Yeap : ) Emelia did decorated one cupcake for me hehhe #I'mahappykid

Aj and I <3

Guess I have yet to mention my awesome trip to Crab Island as a part of my assignment for Photography class : ) Blogging about this trip reminds me of how my DSLR got spoiled. Yeap, it did due to an Error 99 (I'll explain later).


I personally like the scenery of the blue orange sky in crab island. With the horizon stretching as far as the sea. Very vast I'd say!
What surprised me was the colorful painted stilt-houses there. Gosh, they were painted with pastel mural paint and it looked lovely, lively and very cheerful.
It was drizzling over there when I arrived which later the rain got heavier as I progress down my journey to take photos. Not only that, the contrast of the houses side by side with the color that just pops out, it really amazes me.


I actually wanted to see if there's crab but I could not find any hehehhe. I wonder why.

 My favorite shot personally HEE :D

 There were more colorful houses but this is just to illustrate what I said earlier with the color contrast.

 There were many dog scattered around and all of them were adorable! Feel like hugging cuddle and pet them : ) ALL!

 Although I could not find any crab there, I found some Wantan Noodles! I had a great meal there :D

MY poor DSLR which has an error is officially unavailable. Of all times, the camera had to be down halfway my semester. I had alot of pictures/assignments left to snap and I needed my camera badly. I kept pondering, how am I going to get another camera that works and complete my assignment.
Honestly, I'm so blessed God directed me to my CF friend who has a DSLR : )
I did asked many of my friends who has a DSLR but they couldn't lend me theirs due to personal issues which, I totally understand.
So yeah, I managed to complete my assignment thanks to my CF friend. I could not thank her enough. She was like my life saver that day! You have no idea how much I appreciate her :'D

Also, during CNY my college buddies did a house raid hahaha. It was pretty awesome as we get to visit one another's house during CNY. Not to forget, to collect red packets! HAHHAHA! [evil laugh]
Nahh, it's the whole 'together' thing that counts. Visiting each other's house allows us to know more of their family background and to bond with one another.
Highlight of the trip was at Sean's house where his cat was on the top of the couch and Kidd's big hands accidentally slammed (while he was stretching his hands) against his poor cat and the cat LITERALLY FELL FROM THE COUCH TO THE FLOOR!.
LIKE BAM! It happened really fast and everyone saw it and the cat let out this weird sound (The cat is fine though, no harm or injuries).
I could not hold my laughter and I went PFTSDFFGJHAHBAUHAHAPFFT.
Everyone laughed too : )

At Sean's

Emelia and I <3

* * * * * *

I have so many 'stuff' going on, on my plate right now.
Because my foundation has just finished and i'm entering my degree year next week, it kinda means I have to pay a huge sum of money for my degree.
Prom is coming up and I'm practising my arse off for the performances. It's a huge deal for me and the last thing I wanna do is screw the performance up. On Prom Night itself.
Honestly, after my college friends said they are not going for prom, I didn't have the mood to go anymore but because I'm performing, I had to.
It's my first college prom and I really really wanna spent the awesome night with my awesome close college friends. If only they know how I feel, really :/
IETLS exam is just around the corner and ASDFGFGDAS! There are so many details I need to consider, with little time given of course.
I'm praying the exam will not clash on the same day of Prom Night, if it does, then God please bless my soul.
My foundation results are gonna be released next week :O
#ROLLLIKEABUFFALO.

I'd still remember when I enrolled for ADP, looking at the cost, it made my heart ache literally.
I could not afford yet I still put my hopes in applying scholarships or loans.
Pfft, guess things are not going the way I planned.
In the first place, it was never meant to go that way perhaps :/

Let's just take this positively, I'd remind myself daily.

God, you said you will provide for me and I do not have to worry. Hence, I believe you will provide for my college fees.

God, you said you lift up my burdens. Hence, I believe that I shall not worry about the how much I have on my plate or on my shoulders.

Lord, you said, your plans are to prosper me and not to harm me.

These are your promises and I'm sure you won't turn against your words.

God, I know you are never gonna end things on a negative and allow me to have a flourishing ending.

A to the J

Hey,

I just want to dedicate a special post to my special friend, CHONG SIAW JUANGGGG ! <3

I still remember the first time I met her which was during our college trip to Port Dickson but I din't really pay attention her and we were not even close although I walked by her so many times in Port Dickson hahha.

But then we had the same passion in life which is, dancing : ) and I met her outside of the dance class and that's how we got to know each other more in depth and get along pretty well. Therefore, our friendship began to develop. 

Everybody calls her A.J (her nickname) and sometimes I call her by her real name, Juang.

Juang is a really kind heart-ed girl, generous, delicate on the inside and hard on the outside.

She may look strong but her heart is as soft as any of the other girls out there.

Honesty and integrity is what I like about her. She's honest with me although she knew the truth will disappoint me but that was friendship is all about. You tell your good friend everything including the truth and not hiding it from them.

Not forgetting, she's really pretty, bubbly, friendly and funny to be with. She and I would always make each other laugh. LAUGH LAUGH LAUGH LAUGHHHH! 

Hehehe, Juang is really diligent in what she wants to do or be, always in the focus.

Juang cares for me a lot and she treats me as if I was her precious sister in college.

I could always come to her for help and her shoulder is always there for me to lean onto during my saddest moments.

She's got a heart that is made of gold.

She and I share a lot in common and nevertheless we each have our own differences as well.

And the most important we share the most commonly is

우리 꿈이야

Oh right,

HAPPY 19th

BIRTHDAYYYYY

 JUANGGGG <3

Love you : )

xoxo

Braces!

Hello year 2012 : )

You know, I'm starting to envy people who gets the chance to wear braces.

For those of you who doesn't really know what Braces means, its simply :

 Dental braces (also known as orthodontic braces, or simply braces) are devices used in orthodontics that align and straighten teeth and help to position them.

& personally I think that I need one. Seriously hahha.

My teeth are not properly aligned eversince I was young. Also, it reminds me how I used to wished for a Braces every time I blow that candle on the birthday cake for 10 years.

Yes 10 years have passed and I still have not gotten my braces.

What's stopping me if you may ask, money money and money.

In our country, Malaysia, I am pretty sure that braces would easily cost about Rm4000 and above or below. Plus and minus which eventually my family could not afford to pay that much sum of money.

I find it hard to smile because my smile are always crooked. I find it hard to even do a decent smile hahha D; 

I'm not trying to sell myself short but honestly, sometimes I dont even have the confidence to smile infront of a camera.

I was never a camera shy person but whenever someone takes a picture of me and my smile will always look weird and I smile without showing my teeth because I dislike how my teeth looks like.

Its sort of jagged. In a way.

I've always imagined myself with braces and how I could no longer hide my teeth whenever I smile.

Oh, & colored braces are just so cool :D

There's even a video on how braces are done ;D

Glory be to God : )

Happy new year everyone : ) Yes, you you you you and youuu !

Let's brace ourselves to face the year of 2012.

First of all, I just want to share with you that Year 2011 has been the most memorable one for me so far and hopefully Year 2012 can top that.
Year 2011 was a bumpy road for me and my family. For some reason, the obstacles we had to go through just wont leave us alone. Stubborn and are always confusing.
Increasing its difficulty level as days go by.
Nevertheless, I strongly believe in this verse " I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength"( Phil 4:13). Thus, I was able to overcome the challenges and obstacles, not alone but with God by my side.
My God is just so good because he pulled me through, never fail to amaze me on the wonders of his works and plans.


I received abundant love, friendship, joy and hope last year. There were so many things that God provided for me, countless !
You know, I remember telling God last year around January that I have no new year resolution.
I just wanted God to give me the opportunity to have my family to go to church; allow me to be involved in more church activities and just open doors for me ( opportunities) and guess what? Looking back at it, he did.
ALL of it.
Yeap, all of it. God is just soooo good : ) He doesn't only answer my prayers, he allows it to happen.
My favor to him was all about church stuff because me and my family do not attend church for more than 3 years already, due to transport circumstances.
Nevertheless, through the work of God's hands, he worked in mysterious ways to allow it to happen :D Believe it or not! Hallelujiah!


Speaking of that, I was able to get involve in my college's CF, I was able to attend church regularly, I was able to attend my first ever college's CF CAMP, I was able to enroll in college,
I was able to go for LOGOS ( yes! the big big ship hahha), I was able to rededicate my life to Jesus and strengthen our relationship AND MANY MORE. Like I said, countless hehhe.


God has been so good by providing for me and my family. He provided and blessed my family. Blessings are overflowing, endless and too many that i can't seem to contain it.
Although there has been hard times during my college days, heartbreaks and feeling neglected, God picked me up and held my hand.
Without Jesus, I am nothing. Zilch!
Not forgetting, I was able to meet many awesome sisters and brothers in Christ through CF Camp. I was happy to share the love and the Word of God : )


I even doodled the highlights of my life last year down on a paper. Yes I did : ) Because there were too many good and amazing things that happened and I dont wanna forget them so I drew it out and when I mention highlights, it includes the bad and good ones.
And hopefully year 2012 will allow me to draw/doodle more than before, more than last year's drawing hahaha :D


Therefore, I just want to give thanks to Jesus : ) and give him back all the glory he deserves by sharing it with you guys.
It wasn't me, it was Jesus all along that made it happen. That made my life happening and the one that shone his Light upon me that even the people around me sees it.
Which includes my family and close ones.


Well, I'm not quite sure what is going to happen this year. Not quite sure what  God has in store for me, what are his plans like for me this year.
All I know is, I have faith in Him and I believe it will be a good and an exciting year ahead for me and all of us!
Gosh, I have not even thought about my 2012's new year resolution hahhaha.
Maybe I shall just leave it to God : )


Before I end, just wanna share with you all a song from Hillsong [Forever Reign]

You are good, You are good
When there's nothing good in me
You are love, You are love
On display for all to see
You are light, You are light
When the darkness closes in
You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin

You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering
You are joy, You are joy
You're the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life,
In You death has lost its sting...