Masterpiece

Is it wrong to feel insecure? About yourself, your past and your present.
Even though you know you are God's masterpiece.
There were many times I acknowledged and understood I am God's masterpiece. Daddykin's creation. Beautiful creation.

However, because of experience-the bad and good. It made me doubt myself. Then, I started letting people define me. 
Gradually, I don't see myself as Daddykin's masterpiece. It was hard for me to understand the beauty of my creation. 
Yeah sure, I understand my purpose in life but I did not get why did He created me this way.
Often times, I felt I am never good enough for people. 
Being compared to when I am young, being called stupid by my step-dad.
I questioned "Why create me like this? So many flaws"

These all added up and so I have these barrier around me called 'insecure'.
The reason why I let this barrier surround me is because I am afraid. Afraid to experience it again, afraid to live that moment once again and afraid to face it alone.
I feel ashamed and insecure about so many things.

My family. Me. My looks. My past. Almost everything about me.

When I read

Ephesians 2:10 "For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.", I was wow-ed by the verse. Yet, I cannot grasp the full understanding on how can I be His masterpiece.

I know many times, people say, it doesn't matter on how other people looks at you. It's how God looks at your heart. But why is that do I find myself struggling to understand and accept it?


I guess, I don't know how to love myself. I'm always on the edge, thinking if I can't please others, how can I please Daddykins? This is and still is my struggle i'm facing with myself. A battle within me.
I don't know the right way to love myself and accept my insecurities. 
Maybe God is using someone to help me understand this. Or maybe i'm going to go through a situation and when it's time, it'll hit me. By then, I'm able to fully understand what does it meant by being God's masterpiece. Fearfully and wonderfully made.

"Heal my heart and make it clean

Open up my eyes to the things unseen

Show me how to love like You have loved me"

HOSANNA

BOLD prayers

I knoww I know.
It's been months or since i've last posted in the blog.

BUT BUT now that my finals is over, time to harlem shake PARTTTY!
No wait, time to clean up my messy and unorganized table :/

Cheers to 2013! 
Glad to be alive and proud to say that I survived hahah.

Remember how I wished/prayed earnestly for braces and having braces as one of my top list in my bucket-list?
Glory be to God, Im wearing them now. Turquoise in color! Totally my favorite <3
You must be thinking why am I thankful for this braces- My teeth badly needs it. Even the dentist was so shocked on how bad my teeth was.

"Girl, it's very overcrowded. How come you did not come sooner and do your braces? It's really bad"

This was what she said as she grimace.
Well, let's just say my teeth are like that when it happened during my primary school days. I had one fang that grew on my gums (you know how it looks like).
Then another fang grew when I was 11. Couple fangs eh?
Honestly I did not like it. BUT i've learned how to live with it -till high school where INSECURITY strikes.
I could not smile properly because of the fangs, my smile was uneven.
Heck, I couldn't even smile and show my teeth. All I do is pull my lips from the left ear to the right.

Mom told me she would help get my braces done when I turned 13. 
Guess it didn't work out. Reason? Financially unstable.
Then came 2012. I've been listening to Pastor Joel's podcast sermon ever since then. In the podcast, he was talking about praying BOLD prayers. 

"Listen, you have not because you ask not"

His message was to tell us, when we pray, don't just pray prayers to get by. Like "Lord, just help me to pass the exams" "Lord, help me to get by this whole situation"

Often times we pray small prayers. DON'T. 
You may be thinking 'Oh, so i shall pray longer this time in each prayer?'
Nope, you're missing the whole point. Praying longer doesn't make your prayer sensitive.
BOLD prayers is when you take the LIMITS of God. Knowing that he can do so much more.
Why pray for a PASS in your exams when you can pray for an A?


So after listening to Pastor Joel's podcast, I found myself reading on the verse Matthew 7: 7-8.
Where it says
 "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened."

This is God's word to us. His promise. 
So ever since then, I prayed earnestly to God to get my teeth fix. Or precisely, wearing 'them'.
Look what I have with me now? Braces in the year of 2013.
My family did not pay for my braces.
It was my birth dad. He doesn't live with me anymore ever since the divorce when I was 1 years old.
In 2012, he came back to find me and my brother that he left.
He wanted to link us.
Well well well, guess I need plenty of time to get used to it or open up to my birth dad.
Anyway,
I've been praying for braces since age 12 but I never really persevere in that because when you become a teenager, you'll start praying for multiple things.
Sometimes I would even forget to pray and ask God for braces- often times.
Am always thanking God in advanced for this braces.

Now, this can be my testimonial. Prayer works. Pray BOLD prayers. God keeps his promises. We are the child of God. You & I.

「Whole Again」

When I was 1 and a half years old, my birth father left me.

When I was form 1, my mum accidentally met my with father. Had a talk with him but all he said was he didn't want to be responsible for me and my brother anymore.
And I thought that was the end.

Just then, two days ago he called up and said he wants to see me and my brother. Today, I get to meet and catch up with him, bit by bit.

Dear God, what surprises are you going to show me next?

Yours sincerely,
Your humble child, Peige.