Masterpiece

Is it wrong to feel insecure? About yourself, your past and your present.
Even though you know you are God's masterpiece.
There were many times I acknowledged and understood I am God's masterpiece. Daddykin's creation. Beautiful creation.

However, because of experience-the bad and good. It made me doubt myself. Then, I started letting people define me. 
Gradually, I don't see myself as Daddykin's masterpiece. It was hard for me to understand the beauty of my creation. 
Yeah sure, I understand my purpose in life but I did not get why did He created me this way.
Often times, I felt I am never good enough for people. 
Being compared to when I am young, being called stupid by my step-dad.
I questioned "Why create me like this? So many flaws"

These all added up and so I have these barrier around me called 'insecure'.
The reason why I let this barrier surround me is because I am afraid. Afraid to experience it again, afraid to live that moment once again and afraid to face it alone.
I feel ashamed and insecure about so many things.

My family. Me. My looks. My past. Almost everything about me.

When I read

Ephesians 2:10 "For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.", I was wow-ed by the verse. Yet, I cannot grasp the full understanding on how can I be His masterpiece.

I know many times, people say, it doesn't matter on how other people looks at you. It's how God looks at your heart. But why is that do I find myself struggling to understand and accept it?


I guess, I don't know how to love myself. I'm always on the edge, thinking if I can't please others, how can I please Daddykins? This is and still is my struggle i'm facing with myself. A battle within me.
I don't know the right way to love myself and accept my insecurities. 
Maybe God is using someone to help me understand this. Or maybe i'm going to go through a situation and when it's time, it'll hit me. By then, I'm able to fully understand what does it meant by being God's masterpiece. Fearfully and wonderfully made.

"Heal my heart and make it clean

Open up my eyes to the things unseen

Show me how to love like You have loved me"

HOSANNA